A prayer from a healing heart,

As millions of people celebrate New Year 2017, I celebrate a new beginning by choosing to close an old chapter in my life. I celebrate with a little prayer that has big meanings. I pray for you and me to be blessed with Good Health, I pray that we get closer to our Creator, to strengthen our Faith in Him and in humanity; to love more and to hate less; to overcome our desire of revenge and hate by leaving our destiny between the hands of the One who sees and hears all things, to the One who’s the Best of Avengers.  To purify our hearts and to walk in peace. Now say AMINE (آمين  / Amen).  

 What I wish the most right now is to shut forever the door that brought in my life so much pain and to leave the people who were the cause of this pain, behind that door and to never look back.  I’ve learned a great deal from my mistakes and from the one person who entered my life and who inflicted me with great sadness. This experience has left many scars so that it always reminds me of many things and lessons. However, as the proverb says: “what doesn't kill you makes you stronger” (ما لا يقتلك يجعلك أقوي).  

I’m learning to grieve in order to get stronger, I’m learning from my mistakes in order to never fall in the same trap again and to help other women. I’m carrying my heart in my hands in order to feel every muscle and every beat so that I can remind myself that I’m still alive. I’m learning to listen to the too many voices in my head, to the flashbacks and to push them away when needed. I’m learning to be a better person and to come back stronger and healthier in mind and body. I’m learning to say NO and I’m learning to live for me and for my daughter. I’m learning to make myself my own priority because I too deserve to be happy and to come first instead of always serving others.

I’m learning to totally rely on God and to fully absorb the true meaning of the word “Reliance” (تَوَكُّل) and to believe in His words: “…But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not”. (وَعَسَى أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ وَعَسَى أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ).  And to be certain that: “For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease".  (فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا).

I’m also trying to learn to “Leave tomorrow alone until it comes”. To not worry about what I can’t see and about what’s not here yet. I’m learning to rejoice every moment of today and this is happening right now! It’s a natural human reaction to be sad but I’m learning to not be sad for too long because my Creator is watching over me: “Don’t be sad, Allah is with us.” (لا تَحْزَنْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَنَا ) .

I must also remind myself and strongly believe in the concept of Destiny (قدر‎‎) which is one of the 6 pillars of faith (أركان الإيمان). To remember that everything in this life is meant to be (even if we do not understand it yet). To remember that there’s greater worries and that this world (دنيا) is a big test.  There’s also another important reminder from God which says: “If Allah loves a people, then he afflicts them with trials. Whoever is patient has the reward of patience, and whoever is impatient has the fault of impatience”. (إذا أحب الله قوما ابتلاهم , فمن صبر فله الصبر , ومن جزع فله الجزع). Allah SWT tests us with hardship and also prosperity in order to validate the sincerity of our faith. And as many say, perhaps Allah SWT is eager to hear our voice and is eager to hear our supplications (دعا ). Perhaps it’s indeed a reminder to turn to Him again and again.

There are days where I wish I could stand on a hill and yell at the top of my lungs to release all the pressure and anger. There will be moments of weakness because we are humans! But we need to remember that “when the World pushes you to your knees, you are in the best position to pray”.

 I will pray for patience (صبر) and I will pray for true friends who will always remind me (ذكر) that God is always present and is always near.  

I pray to be a better person, for myself and for my daughter. I pray to teach her how to impose respect and to never let anyone and no Man to ever put her down, to never count on people but rather on her Creator, to be strong in mind, faith and health. I will teach her not to lie and not to be a hypocrite.  I will do all I can to teach her the best manners. Teach her to help, love and respect others. To give more, to help and feed the needy and to never despair. I will teach her to say NO and I will teach her to choose for herself and to never give up to anyone’s pressure, to never be controlled or manipulated. I will teach her to fear ALLAH s.w.t and NO ONE ELSE BUT HIM.

Amine. Amine. Amine.

Walk in peace,

Nermine Barbouch

نرمين، أم ساره